friday

:)

the very last minutes of E periods reavealed myself in an akward figure. the wizened little fat boy walking silently turned out someone i never realized. a few weeks ago i still believed in what i was trying to do with my life. but now, things became rubbish again. the swift trains of thought never disappeared as they used to be....

till the truly words poured out from everyone, i knew that i was such a miserable loser. i just thought quite insanely to state my victory to my own soul and happy with that. that's not true and wouldn't be true no matter what i try. everything diminished to the last value! hopes, dreams, aims, ambitions, confidents went sarcastic . i thought i was gud. nope. i was nothing....

dun know how to write. dun know how to speak. dun know how to get a real friend. all i got was a big fish in his small pond. though i did touch the door to open my thoughts, once again, noone caught a glance of that. people told lies. they couldn't tell anything totally dependable. why? why u pretended to hate s.o although u admired them so much. why u knew u hate them but u tried to make use of them by flirting them? why u need to care for their angriness, for their sadness while u cannot share anything with them? why a long list appearing in ur cell phones made no connection to at least a friend to listen to u?

i couldn't live like nothing happened. the overwhelming point after so many years broke my heart like the last straw.

have to face my fears. silence brings loneliness.