bitter and sweetest january ever. and i wanna keep that quiet evermore.

Katherine Anne Porter once said: 'There seems to be a kind of order in the universe…in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own.'' my existence in this world exemplifies this quote at its best.

sometimes i wish i could stab the past, poison the future. then i could treasure the present as long as i want. the present which brings all of my friends together conveys a sixth sense of mine. though they smile with me today, i know they'll tear me down sooner or later. though they call me friends today, they could pretend they dun know me tomorrow. it's easy to say sth behind sb, but it's hard to take it back. thus dun regret as a reaction to bury your embarrassment, stand up and tell me why you abhored me so much. we both comprehend that trust is a lie, dear.

regret comes in all shapes and sizes. some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. some are bigger like when you let down a friend. some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways. but, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way... i knew that i was not a gud guy. i knew that i should've been a jerk. but i also knew i stood by you in each storm of your lifes during those moments. i tried hard to be a gud friend. and i tried more to accept what you paid me back. why hurt me so bad?

suddenly i missed everyone. those used to make me think i do have best friends...
i'm tired. and to the worst of mine, i chose to quit you... the YOU i never knew.
i'm gonna seek that quiet again, dear.